Asking for help It is important to learn to ask for help especially if you didn't ask for help as a child and suffered as a consequence. You may now be left with residual beliefs that leave you feeling that you cannot ask for help or that if you do you will not receive it or do not deserve it. It is important to know that most people are willing and happy to help. This maybe contrary to your childhood experience so really notice when someone does help and express thanks.

*Receiving gifts

Notice what it feels like to receive gift from other people. Can you allow someone else to give you something i.e. buy you coffee or lunch? You may have a strong reaction to being bought a gift if you felt your affection was being bought as a child or if you felt that your family had nothing to offer you that you valued. Maybe you were given gifts in exchange for sexual favours, overtly or covertly. These feeling may spill over into not letting anyone do anything for you. You may feel like you have to do everything yourself as a way of keeping safe. This was no doubt a useful strategy as a child but one that is not always useful as an adult. Perhaps this spills over into your work and you find it hard to delegate work to colleagues, or you do all the domestic chores at home. You might feel resentful of the pattern, which may manifest as irritability, anger, fault finding or back pain.

Re-addressing the balance can come with self-awareness. Notice when you refuse a gift or help and try to do the opposite to what you usually do and accept some help. The following meditation here is to be aware of how you feel, whilst challenging your behaviour. Give thanks and be grateful for the gifts you receive.

 Delicious green apples

Photograph by Jennifer Weston © 

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