Think about what makes you happy and write it down. If you suffered a lot of emotional trauma as a child you may have a part of yourself that feels hurt very acutely. This bit is commonly called the inner child and it may want your attention when you feel down, over tired or under a lot of stress. The inner child will display a lot of childlike emotional behavior such as tantrums, rage, excessive shyness, fear, strong feelings of not being able to cope. In short your inner child may react to situations that your adult mind know are not life or death situations, but your inner child views them as life and death situations. Your inner child often needs a lot of security and can act up in times of change and upheaval. Listening to your own needs can be a meditation in itself and if you are upset it is often useful to ask, "What do I need right now?" The answer maybe something good to give yourself such as "I need a hug". The answer could also be something that is not so good for you, such as alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs. As these are things not usually craved by young children and I invite you to dig beyond your inner teenager to a younger you! Often what the inner child craves are basic needs. Things such as comfort, security, love, affection, warmth, and understanding, especially if these qualities were not abundant in your childhood. Think through how you can give this to yourself. Ask yourself what you found comfort in as a child and what you can find comfort in now. Did you lose yourself in an adventure story, or watching film? Did you go and play with your friends? If so, what did you do? Did you find comfort outside or inside, in your room or on the street? Where did you find your flow as a child? Was it writing stories or making gifts for people? Playing sport or cooking? Think about what makes you happy and write it down. Plan how you can incorporate these things more in your life. It may mean joining a cookery class or sports club. Perhaps you would like to meet some new people who share the interests you have or can give you loving companionship.

Gifts for your inner child

Once in touch with your inner child you may find yourself wanting to give your child the things she wanted in childhood. This could be anything, for example a best friend, a trip to the funfair or beach, a doll or cuddly toy. Maybe it is to learn something your child always wanted to know or travel to a distant land. As an adult you are more in a position to make your childhood dreams come true. Think how much satisfied your inner child would be if you could do that for yourself. If you can't give your inner child this straightaway for whatever reason you could give your child a symbol of that gift.

For example if as a child you always wanted to go to Italy, give yourself a flavor of that:

  • Make Italian food
  • Get a map or a travel book of Italy
  • Save up for a trip by putting your money in a Mediterranean style pottery vase 
  • Plant some basil or marjoram in your garden
  • Learn to speak Italian

Inner child and abuse

 Awareness of the needs of your inner-child is invaluable if you were abused in any way as a child. Part of you may deny your needs because they were denied to you by a dysfunctional upbringing. Sometimes you may display child like behavior and not know why; or feel extremely upset over a trifle. Perhaps your inner-child craves sugar or affection. Perhaps you crave sex as a way of getting attention, as it was one of the ways you were noticed as a child.

Signs that your inner-child is present might be:

  • Feeling extreme childlike emotion like throwing a tantrum 
  • Feeling abandoned and unable to cope alone
  • Not knowing how you feel, as there are too many emotions to concentrate on 
  • Speaking in absolute terms 'always', 'never'. 'This always happens to me. 
  • Feeling absolute fear when there is no immediate threat but your fear has been triggered by a TV show or an insensitive comment by a lover or close friend.
  • Having other strong feelings that seemingly came from nowhere (perhaps sparked by a careless remark from a lover or being touched unexpectedly.)

If you were abused when you were very young, your inner-child may not be able to articulate her feelings in any coherent way. But you may experience strong feelings that you cannot pin-point, but have been there as long as you can remember. It may take a lot of practice and awareness to appease your inner-child. She may feel very ignored, hurt, sad angry and frustrated. However she feels, it is important that you take time to listen to her take her feelings into consideration.

What to do when your inner-child is acting up

Find a quite place to relax and locate in your own body where your strongest feelings are. Close your eyes and focus on that place inside yourself. From here you can try a variety of methods. Visualize that place inside yourself, i.e. the color, shape, or texture. Then endeavor to change the elements to something more soothing.

Ask and then tell your inner-child what she needs to hear i.e.

  • You are safe and loved
  • Nothing can harm you now
  • It is OK to relax
  • I will never leave you
  • You are beautiful the way you are
  • I will listen to all your feelings
  • You have choices now
  • You have power now

Visualize where your feelings are again and see if the color or textures have changed. Allow feeling to come up and be expressed. Let yourself know that expressing feelings is part of letting go. The overall aim of letting go of feelings is to be free of them so they no longer have such a strong impact on your behavior. Do what works for you. However ,if your inner child is really scared you need to honour her feelings and do more inner work. She may be trying to warn you away from self-destructive behavior i.e. by being upset after a meaningless sexual encounter or feeling angry because you didn't say no to your family when she wanted you too. Your inner-child can act as a guide to help you change your behavior.

 Plasticine model frog made by a child

Photograph by Jennifer Weston © 

For a one-to-one session contact us at: hmeditations@googlemail.com