Loss of love is always loss of self-love. When women get very demanding it is often because they have lost sight of themselves and their own goals. As women in Western society it is harder for us to become more fulfilled through a job, business, hobby or even raising children. We can become divorced from our own needs, which leads to profound discontentment. This is easy to spot in women. Just listen to what they say. You will hear an endless tirade of complaints. They feel impotent, powerless, but these might not be the words they are using. They might describe the frustration or the anxiety of under achievement. Basically it is fear. Fear to act that is not preceded by desire; the desire is there, but fear blocks the action. The men relating to these women will sense the frustration and may feel an underlying blaming tone. This is especially true when a woman feels she has sacrificed something for her man or family. Maybe it was a job or a sense of freedom that is now replaced by a sense of obligation. Maybe she is complaining that her man doesn't love her enough, there may be some truth to this as men often back away from women who have developed the habit of complaining, whose problems seem insurmountable. It is hard to love someone who displays over critical behaviour. But really it is a loss of self-love and a detachment from the heart centre. In this situation a woman needs some time to herself to reconnect with her heart centre to rediscover what it is she wants that she feels she can't have or do. Action is the key to fulfil whatever feels wrong. This is important if you have a tendency to ignore your needs or put others before yourself. If this is the case it may be hard for you to identify what you need.
Spend some time being quiet, relaxed and calm. Think of what you need that would make yourself more comfortable. If you hold a lot of physical tension, this could be a massage. If you are tired it could be time to yourself. It could be a bigger change like needing to alter your work patterns.
Opening you heart to loving yourself
Loving yourself through the process of recovery is important. It is especially important to actively do this if you feel unloved, if your inner child feels unloved or if you have a profound feeling of abandonment by your family.
Relax using one of the relaxation techniques outlined at the beginning or use the recorded Sacral (Water) Chakra meditation available free from this website. Breathe into your heart and relax your chest further. Remind yourself that this is a safe place for you to relax and open yourself for you (this meditation is purely about loving the self not loving someone else). Imagine that your heart is softening and every cell is relaxing and opening and receiving love. Imagine your heart chakra opening gently both front and back spinning gently. Allow love from your own heart to flow through to all parts of your body. You may consciously need to talk yourself through this at first sending love to each part of your body in turn. Notice any place you get stuck and make a note of it after your meditation. Deepen your experience of love until you become at one with your love. Stay with the feeling as long as you can and enjoy. Notice any resistance you may feel to receiving your own love. Notice if you give yourself any negative feedback with reasons why you should not send yourself love. Again write these down and these can be burnt using the 'transformation' meditation.
The more resistance you feel to doing this meditation, the more you need to do it for yourself to heal and increase your awareness of blocks to loving yourself so you can move beyond those blocks to deeply love yourself. You may find this meditation brings up a lot of buried feelings about love and perhaps how you wanted to be loved and weren't. Letting the feelings out will help you move on as long as you don't get lost in feeling unloved. If you do get stuck it is always helpful to acknowledge to yourself that you are. Crying for hours alone feeling unloved it not necessarily useful. If you find you are in this pattern you need to break it. This could be done in many ways; call a friend or a member of your support group and tell them you are stuck and need help, call your therapist or make an appointment to start therapy, do something for yourself like arrange a massage, get some exercise, cook yourself a special healthy meal, give yourself a present. Be aware of not succumbing to unhealthy patterns of comfort at this point like alcohol, comfort eating, drugs, sex with strangers, or overspending.
Asking for your heart's desire
Relax using the water meditation MP3 download available free from this website. Breathe into your heart and relax your chest further. Can you feel your own heart? What does it feel like? If you cannot get a sense of it, try picturing your heart. What does it look like? Try changing the picture of your heart if you do not like the first image. If you cannot change the appearance, ask your heart what it needs from you (not from someone else as this meditation is empowering you to take care of the needs of your own heart). Listen carefully to what your heart needs and make sure you act upon those needs. Spend some time in the meditative state listening to your heart's desire. Its secrets may surprise you.
Photograph by Jennifer Weston ©
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