Building self love

Buy or make some affirmation cards and pull one out every morning. Put it where you can see it and use the affirmation especially when you feel low. Remembering to do this is the key. Affirmation cards are an active tool and work best when you use them to challenge your own stuck patterns. If you have resistance to a beautiful self-affirmation, it is a sign you really need to say it and affirm it actively. Why not scatter them about the house, stick them on your mirrors and on the fridge.

Look at the affirmations that you have the most resistance to. What is it about that statement that you find difficult? Does the affirmation "I am safe" bring up lots of anger or fear as you remember situations where you really were not safe. An affirmation is not designed to negate reality. There are plenty of situations in the world that are unsafe and if you have been abused in any way you will probably know that in the core of your being. Perhaps a better affirmation would be "I now know how to keep myself safe", or "I trust myself to keep myself safe". These affirmations might feel more poignant if you have been raped or abused in your own home. The more you get in touch with your own needs and desires the more you will tune into your intuition and ability to keep yourself safe. Do remember though it is hard to keep yourself safe when you are very drunk or using drugs outside of the home. If you are not in control of your own body then you are open to others exploiting that inability and seeing it as an opportunity for easy sex. Having sex that you didn't ask for because you were not fully aware you were having it is rape, but can also re-stimulate memories of sexual abuse when you were younger and be deeply distressing. Unfortunately women who have been abused often have sex with strangers as an unconscious way of accessing memories or feeling in order for them to come up and be healed. Just like it is common it scratch irritated skin or the way children pick scabs off skin. If you are interested in reading more about this then look at the work of psychiatrist Arnold Mindell who has a range of book on the topic of Inner Dreambody Work.

An affirmation can also pierce the core of a negative self-belief. Feelings of self hate and loathing can be directly opposed by affirmations such as "I am taking care of myself very well" or "I deserve only the best", or "I am loving myself very deeply" or "I am my own best friend". Outside of just saying the words it is more powerful and empowering if you then think through what you would do if you were taking care of yourself very well and loving yourself deeply. Even if you don't feel self-loving, acting as if you do gives your body a powerful message of self-love. Perhaps that means eating food that is good for you even though you really crave junk food or spending time on your appearance even though you want to hide away and not have anyone look at you. Maybe being your own best friend is making a bigger change such as getting out of a relationship that is violent or abusive, or moving out of a violent neighbourhood even though it is familiar.

 

'Clinically voluptuous', Diane Hinson, 2009 ©

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